How to deal with change…
Have you ever really thought about how you cope, strategise or deal with change? Or do you just 'wing it' and become reactive to the change...rather than proactive.
You would have heard this before...but change is inevitable. Sometimes it doesn't make it easier going through the change though does it?! From personal shifts to a changing external climate, adjusting to a new 'normal' (our perception of normal) can be challenging. Most changes come with some sort of stress...we need to aim for less toxic stress, as this results in prolonged activation of the stress response, with a failure of the body to recover fully. This can be detrimental long term. It differs from a normal stress response where we can calm our nervous system pretty quickly and bring our 'lid' back down. Why do some people deal with change better than others? Generally it comes down to mindset, having the tools to cope with change, adapting or changing the environment and / or having adequate support.
I have been looking at and teaching change theories for years and my everyday is helping businesses start a change, integrate a change or manage change. I could spend hours on this topic but here are a few key messages to take away when dealing with change of any type:
1. Don't ever expect stability all of the time: Change is inevitable, growth is an option. Don’t lose hope if you backslide into old habits now and then. Change happens and it isn't always going to feel comfortable. Instead of giving up after a setback, vow to start fresh next time and learn from your mistakes. I see people who struggle with change consumed by thoughts of “the good old days.” They focus their energy trying to figure out why their luck has suddenly turned sour. They try to bounce back to a time and a place that no longer exists. It is normal to try to get to stability - as it feels comfortable, but reality is we have to get comfortable with a new 'normal'.
2. Strive to maintain some normal routine in times of change: structure and routine are comforting, so the more you can maintain your tried-and-true routine in the midst of a change, the better off you’ll be. Go for your usual morning walk, visit the same coffee shop (if you can) and try to stick to your normal sleeping, waking and eating times. When scary change happens, the first thing we drop is the routine as everything seems too hard.
3. Find the humour in the situation: I get it, things can be tough and it's harder to find joy when a massive change is happening. I have been looking around lately and everyone looks like they have to try a bit harder right now. It makes me a bit sad. We get the choice to find humour in any situation though. Allow yourself to find someone you can relate to or connect to in or outside of work...and laugh! We can find people that make us smile if we can't find it within. A smile sends beautiful neurons through the brain and tricks you into happiness.
4. Write down the positives about a change: you know I love gratitude. For every crappy situation or change, there is light....you just have to look harder. At the dinner table, ask each family member their highlight of the day or what they are grateful for...every ... single .... day. It ingrains the habits for a future of being grateful. In a workplace, direct the conversation in the staffroom or a meeting to "what is working well".
5. Feel the emotion: don't block the emotion. It is ok to feel but don't hold on to it for too long! An emotion only lasts for 90 seconds, after that, it is our subconscious brain feeding information to try and keep us safe or guide us to a decision. Unfortunately this is not always helpful. Feel and understand the emotion (sad, happy, angry etc) and then try and let your conscious (present) brain disrupt and get you back to a place of logic. You may have to use some breathing (big belly breathing), change of language / thoughts or other mindfulness to get back to logic.
6. Reframe your mind, change your language: Figure out what’s going on in your mind when you are feeling sad or angry and break negative patterns. Once you become aware of negative thoughts, you are better equipped to shift them to emphasise the positive If you are constantly saying "this is too hard", "I can't do this", "why me", "this isn't fear", "how am I ever going to get through this", "my boss is a dick", "that staff member is hard"...you are going to struggle to move forward. You have heard me say this before...what we tell / feed our brains, becomes our reality. Instead of “I don’t deserve to go through this restructure,” tweak the thought to “I worked hard for this position and I deserve to be here.”
7. Start getting proactive: if you know a change is happening or going to happen (for e.g. a parent is being moved into a home in the next 2 years OR there is a restructure in the workplace), hatch a plan. Communicate a vision to make more sense of the change. What do you want the outcome to look like? It is going to look different so visualise what the new norm looks like instead of feeding into the past or the negatives about the change.
8. Communicate with people but don't over communicate the issue: are you talking around the topic feeding into the problem more or are you having a positive conversation about the solution you want to get to? Far too often, we talk around the subject rather than focusing on the 'why'. I often sit in staffrooms and just listen to conversations. Are they productive, are they healthy, are they proactive?
9. Figure out what you can and cannot control: You do not have control over the external environment like politics, you don't have control over a family member passing away, you don't have control over the weather...but you do have control of how you react to it all. Whenever change becomes a bit too much remember we have control over our attitude, our five senses, the people we surround ourselves with (to a degree) the food we consume and the exercise we partake in. Think about what you can control.
10. Accept the past, but fight for a better future: We ultimately all have a choice of how we respond to a change. Grief is part of this. Some people who have had the hardest lives have built the brightest future...simply because they have learnt how to build a better life, they have become proactive, built resilience and accepted that you can't get ahead by staying in a rut.
Life is always going to throw us on roads that have bumps along the way. In fact; you may go completely off road for a while. You make the choice of how you get back on that smooth highway or learn to enjoy some of the bumpy. There is always a new road to pave though and ultimately we choose how we respond to the road that we are on.